Meat Beating

I am working hard on my below average culinary skills. Tonight was no different. I had turkey cutlets and found an excellent, fairly simple recipe to make turkey picatta. Yum, yum.

The first step in the process was to pound the turkey cutlets so that they were nice and thin. Jeff had mentioned that he pounds meat quite often. Yea, that's right, he's a big meat beater. Anyways, knowing that Jeff pounds his meat, I logically assumed that there was a meat mallet somewhere in the kitchen. I just needed to look for it. One drawer, two drawers, ah ha, found it! I took that meat mallet and began hammering away at the meat.

"Lish? What are you doing?" Duh, Jeff, I am pounding meat. His voice sounded awfully worrisome when he asked what exactly I was pounding the meat with. The meat mallet. What else would I be pounding meat with? Stupid question! Or so I thought. Jeff proceeded to ask me if I had gone out and bought a meat mallet, which I obviously had not. I found the meat mallet in drawer number two. However, Jeff was positive that we do not have a meat mallet. In fact, he was correct. I was not beating meat with a mallet, but a knife sharpener that looked very much like a mallet:

Wouldn't you agree? After cleaning the knife sharpener very thoroughly, Jeff introduced me to what he beats his meat with. It was so  nice to finally see:

Add that to the list of hot sauce purposes. From then on out, my cooking went seamlessly. A beautiful turkey picatta was the end result. And me, I have Frank's Red Hot hot sauce to thank!