I Could Have Been A Billionaire

My grandmother, who turned 89 yesterday, is MIA. Being the caring and considerate granddaughter that I am, I telephoned her yesterday to wish her a happy birthday. In doing so, I let her know that I was in town and would come to visit her sometime today.

I was disappointed by her response, as I've always considered myself her favorite grandchild (sorry to break it to you Nick and Danny). She got all excited and said, "Is Jeff coming too?" I had to remind her that Jeff was not here. With this news, she completely changed her tune. "Oh, well, you don't have to come." Me, I said, screw that! I'm going to see her. My grandmother only turns 89 once!

So, as I headed down today to visit, I called her to make sure she was awake. She didn't answer so I proceeded to call 900 times figuring she would get so annoyed she would actually answer her phone. Didn't happen. When I arrived there, her car was gone. This woman, who hasn't driven a car in 3 months, decided today, the day I drove down to see her, that she would journey out into civilization? Just my luck. So, I headed over to her sisters' house, thinking she may be there.

My precious (great) Aunt Gina just returned home from the nursing home yesterday. She was dozing off when I arrived, but perked right up at the sight of me. A little while into our visit, an old friend, Deb, showed up: a 75 year old spitfire. Right away they got after each other. Yelling, screaming, arguing. I mean, really, what better thing for "friends" to do?

As Deb started preaching, Aunt Gina decided she wasn't going to have any of it. "Shut up!" she yelled. "Shut the f*#& up!" With my phone laying next to me, I decided that maybe I should record this. So I did. By the time I came to this decision, things started to die down a little bit. But I still got some excellent footage. And, while I should be happy about that, it only pissed me off.

Had I come up with the idea to video tape family gatherings and visits since I was, say six, I would be close to a billionaire at this point. The footage would be absolutely incredible entertainment for people of all ways, shapes, and forms. Even if I had decided this when I was a teenager, I'd be a multi-millionaire. Now, with the oldest generation ranging from 92-82 the better years of footage are behind me. They can't hear very well and that does not make for good conversation. I really dropped the ball on this one! Damn me!